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The 5 Reasons Why you don’t use Facebook anymore

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1. Your mom is on Facebook.

And your dad. And their cousins and second cousins whose kids are perfect. Facebook is now more like your dad’s second cousin’s perfect child’s wedding now. It’s a family reunion. And you have to add them and talk to them because, manners.  Same goes with when you don’t add your relatives on Facebook ‘ WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO HIDE ‘ ‘OOOoooOOo you have a boyfriend?’ ‘OoOooOoo you have friends who are boys?’ ‘Are you gay?’ You have to go talk to them because if you don’t, it’s rude.

I know people who go so far as to create two profiles, add all family members on one profile and block them from their “real” profile, so they can lead a normal social-networking life. [True that we all have learnt to love and accept that Heisenberg did what he did so that Walter White could save his family, but we all know how that story ended, right?]

But who has time for double profiles now? Be realistic, you would just fake a headache and not go to that third cousin’s wedding, just like you would just ignore all their friend requests and messages because ‘Oh my god! Sorry, I never log in to Facebook anymore, THAT’s why’

2. You don’t have a DSLR / You don’t have a friend who can lend you a DSLR

How else would you make your mark on facebook if you don’t have a HQ photograph of yourself staring away from the camera/making a weird face because “it’s funny ‘coz it’s ugly”/at your third-cousin’s wedding where you have showed up unwillingly, but in really expensive clothes?

You have no social networking life if you don’t regularly have picture updates. What kind of person doesnt update their DP every month?

Maybe you could make do with the camera on your smartphone. What, you can’t even find a dilapidated car that could pass off as vintage if you apply a few filters? How does your stomach digest food if you don’t post a picture of it before you have it?

Not even a selfie? Dude, even the Pope has one. Image 1

Maybe you do post statuses every once in a while. But you’re dead on FB without picture posts. ‘Nuff said.

3. Being on Facebook is too mainstream.

If you post about what you’re doing, someone else will like it, and probably do it later, and it’s not hip anymore.  If you recommend an Indie movie, everyone else is going to watch it and it’s not hip anymore. If you voice your concern over a dormant issue, everyone gets aware of it, it’s not a new issue anymore. Image 2

Everyone can post statuses about ‘what’s on their mind’. But you’ll do it only once a year, because that makes it “ironic” (Whatever that means. Pffft)

4. Everybody else is having fun.

They’re going out for food, they’re going for trips, they’re getting married, they’re getting amazing jobs, they’re having cute kids, and they’re buying new cars. And you have nothing significant to post about. This is almost like #2, except that you do own a DSLR but you can’t even accidentally pick a good picture out of the 225 you actually clicked, because you can never have as much fun as your friends who just went on a bike trip across the country, or the ones who had a really extravagant wedding. Even if you’re not a hipster and you genuinely want everyone to check out the Indie film, you just know that it’s nowhere as cool as all those wedding pictures. You won’t even get 20 likes. That would be such a shame. Image 3

But on the other hand, if you don’t post anything at all.. Now, that would mean that you are having SO MUCH fun that you don’t even have time for Facebook anymore. Nailed it!

5. Stalkbook

Okay, so you may have either one or all of the above reasons to not be active on Facebook anymore. But that doesn’t stop you from logging in, does it? Or snooping through your friends’ timelines. And their friends’ timelines. And their friends’ timelinesImage 4

524 public photos? In 5 minutes you’ll figure out every detail, including but not restricted to their best friend’s favourite colour. Facebook has given us licenses to stalk everyone right from their college where they’re ‘feeling bored,’ to the mall where they’re ‘feeling excited,’ to the restaurant where they’re ‘feeling hungry’ and back home where you’ll be waiting till they come online and you can pop a casual ‘Hey how’s it going’.

While this kind of extensive vetting goes on, it’s natural that you lose track of time and purpose. And stalking is easier when your targets are unaware of your existence on the social network. That’s not creepy at all. *thumbsup*

So what’s your reason? (Besides #5?)

Buzz me:

©Farhana Khader for


One Comment

  • Reply Sanjay Suresh Ambalath |

    The only advantage is that you just have to click once instead of filling out info for forums. My facebook usage circulated to this and i heard people checking alliances view your profiles to check how much of a person you are. An online portfolio of your interests and “likes”.

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